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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Excuses, Excuses

I need to blog in a bad way.

Oh wait a sec, YOU know that.

I know I sound like a broken record/tape/CD/MP3, but once again, I just haven’t found the mental energy needed to spew my feelings onto cyber paper. In the dead of the night, my mind is racing with all sorts of blogging ideas, but when it comes to the next evening, when I actually have time to verbally regurgitate, I just can’t. I’m tired and worn.

Life isn’t BAD, it’s just emotionally challenging right now.

This past Saturday I had a wake-up call. Or, perhaps a wake-down call. It was 2:30 in the afternoon when I suddenly realized that I had COMPLETELY forgotten about a morning meeting. This meeting was written on the calendar, I had confirmed to several other people on the committee that I would be attending, Richie and I had talked about it a couple of times during the week. The meeting started at 10:00am. I remembered at 2:30pm. Who does that?! It scared me, actually. If I forget about an important meeting, one that I’ve had on the calendar and known about for weeks, what else could I be forgetting?

I chalk it all up to preoccupation. And saturation. My head is both overloaded and in its own world. I am in planning mode. I am in anxiety mode. The next thing I know, I’m chewing my nails, watching Alabama kick yet ANOTHER field goal, when I remember a meeting that I was supposed to attend six hours earlier…

That said, the planning part of my preoccupation is going really well. I have officially been granted a seven-month leave of absence from work and my amazingly qualified and precious replacement should be hired this week. We’ve got accommodation options for Vancouver. Ellie’s post-op intensive physical therapy is pretty much secured. Planning the logistics gives me some peace of mind (read: makes me feel like I’m partially in control of something). It provides distraction from the worry.

So, there’s where I’m at these days.

I was going to include a top five list in my post today, but I think I’ll leave that for tomorrow. Hmmm, perhaps I’m clinging to lists because they, too, make me feel more organized and less chaotic.

OCD much??

I’ll leave you with a picture that also calms and warms my heart. Precious cousins with an unbelievable uncle and dad.


Sheila said...

Sending big hugs your way!

Southern Eccentric said...

I positively LOVE this picture. Reminds me how our heavenly father wraps us in his arms and keep us safe.