The End

My life has turned upside down. I can't talk about it here.

Sooooo...

Goin' private.

Send your email to chrystiekb at gmail.com if you wanna follow. I need to be discreet, so don't be offended if I'm super-selective.

Man, typing on the iPad sucks!

Perhaps I'll return to this blog one day, but until then...

It's been a good ride.

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To Bail, or not to Bail?

You know what I'm contemplating?

Quitting this blog.

It's a burden, y'all.  I want so badly to fulfill my New Year's resolution and blog 52 times this year, but I am feeling the pressure.

I start graduate school in a mere 5 weeks and I'm not sure I can devote my time to blogging.  (Did I say that I'm starting school in FIVE weeks?  Holy crud.)

And I can't even blog about politics anymore because I have stopped watching or reading news.  No joke.  I am embarrassed to admit it, but the 11:00pm newscast was leaving me sleepless and with heart palpatations.  The American dollar dropped again?  Panic.  Another soldier killed in Afghanistan?  Panic.  Michelle Bachmann running for president?  Panic.  Stephen Harper winning a majority?  Panic.  Child murderer aquitted?  Panic. 

Thus, I have allowed myself a summer-long hiatus from all things news.  Which, of course, means that I am a walking version of everything that I hate: a person who is oblivious to the world outside herself.  A person who just lost 50% of all blog topics.

I know y'all love to hear about Ellie.  But, honestly, there's not a lot of blog-worthy stuff going on with us these days.  And while maybe that alone is blogable, how often do you want to read a "woe is me" post?  Yes, my daughter has cerebral palsy.  Yes, she's still using a walker.  Yes, she's now using a wheelchair.  Yes, she deserves better.  Yes, it sucks.  How many different ways do I need to sing the same country chorus, right?

We are vacationing next week, so maybe I'll be in a more bloggy mood.  We'll see. 

For those of you who aren't on Facebook (do *those* people even exist?!), here is my latest profile pic.  How stinkin' beautiful is this little girl?!

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LIFTing Spirits

How do you like my new swimming pool?

Well, at least it will be a swimming pool for a few more days...and then it turns into my BASEMENT!  That's right, folks, the house-building has begun!  I told Richard that he now officially could NOT lose his job, ha!

It's been a bit of a rough week on the house-building front.  We were hoping to start construction at the beginning of June, but were delayed by the "City" (it's still ironic to me that our town of 13,000 people is considered a city...).  Our contractor called us up late last week and started the conversation with these words:

I've got some bad news.  The City doesn't like your blueprints.

K, what?!

Long story short (read: I don't understand half of this, since it has to do with numbers and math) is that our yard has to drain back to front, instead of front to back, as we first thought.  In order for the correct drainage to happen, we had to change the grade and slope of our lot. 

Seems like a simple fix, right?

Sure, if you're building a normal house.  The kind of house that EVERYBODY ELSE can build.  A house with no wheelchair ramp.

But, that's not us, is it?  And the slope of the garage is a HUGE deal for the wheelchair ramp.  Every inch of slope requires a certain amount of ramp-length.  In order to fit the ramp into our garage with the new slope, the ramp would have to extend OUTSIDE.  I am not going to make my kid walk outside in the snow and minus 40 degree weather in order to get to the 17-mile long wheelchair ramp.

We tried and tried to come up with a viable ramp solution, but given the fact that our house is pushing all size limits of our lot (we REALLY like our location...which happens to come with a small(er) lot), it just couldn't be done.

So, now, instead of a ramp in the garage, we have a wheelchair LIFT.  Ellie will walk or wheel her way to the house door, get onto a lift, push the button, and be hoisted up to the door level (it's a mini-elevator).  It's a perfectly fine solution and may even be easier and quicker than a wheelchair ramp.

But, at $10,500, it's a heckuva lot more expensive.

You read that right: over TEN GRAND.

Sigh.

These are the moments where my head and heart wage war.  In my head, I know that I should be thankful that Richard and I have jobs, that we live in a country where wheelchair lifts are available, that we've been blessed with the financial ability to build a new house, etc, etc.  But, in my heart, I just want to scream, "Why does everyone else get to just build a house?"

Just build a house...

And not worry about wheelchair ramps.  And not worry about where the controls on the oven are, in hopes that Ellie will one day be able to make her own Kraft Dinner.  And not worry about the threshold dimensions into the accessible shower.  And not worry about the diameters of doorways and hallways.  And not worry about how their child(ren) will get down to the rec room in the basement.  And not worry about the occupational therapist looking at every single revision of the blueprint, to make triple-sure that the house is as accessible as possible.

And spend $10,500 on 3 separate trips to the Caribbean instead of on a blasted wheelchair lift.

It's frustrating.  And, yet, as soon as the thoughts are spewed from my brain, I realize that I am being selfish and ungrateful.  I want to consider it a blessing and honor to do this for Ellie, who is so worth it.  I don't ever want her to feel as if she is to "blame". 

Sometimes, though, it's a struggle to think of this as a blessing.  Sometimes, I wish we were like everybody else.

But, hey, everybody else doesn't have such a cool-lookin' swimming pool, do they?!

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I Suck.

Why haven't I posted regularly?

Because I suck.

And, I don't say that in an attempt to solicit a bunch of, "You don't suck, Chrystie" comments.  I say it because I really have no good excuse for my blog slackerness.

Because, really, is THIS an excuse?

No.

Is THIS a good excuse?

No.

Is THIS a good excuse?

(Just to clarify: This is a drawing of our subdivision.) 

Maybe.  Since we ARE building the house for Ellie.  Yup.  Uh huh.

Is SLEEP an excuse?  Again, maybe.

Is being in a funk an excuse?  Perhaps.

But, really, it's just because I've been lazy and void of blog entry ideas.  Sorry, folks.

Topic suggestions are always welcome!  Otherwise, the next blog post may be a book review on the history of the CBC.  Intriguing?  Yes.  Interesting?  No.

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May Long (or, Too Short!) Weekend

So.  Richard and I went away with our youth group this weekend.  Every other (Canadian) May Long weekend, our church denomination holds a national youth conference, “Abundant Springs”, in Saskatchewan.  Sixteen hours of bus-riding craziness with 20 of our beloved teeny-boppers, and 3 full days of rockin’ and praisin’ and playin’.  Good times.

When I was in high school, I went to Abundant Springs.  And rocked it up hard.  I mean HARD.  I have some amazing memories from those long weekends.  And, I apologize profusely to my youth leaders, who had to deal with my blatant immaturity and not-quite-as-funny-to-them antics.  Now I’M the youth leader, and my heart bursts with happiness when I watch my “kids” making similar memories. (Except the ones that are made after 2am.  Those aren’t quite as heart warming.)

I often joke that I’m putting in my time as a youth leader so that *my* kids can pay it back by being Ellie’s sponsor.  You know, when Ellie’s rockin’ it up at youth group.

When ELLIE’S rockin’ it up at youth group.

Ellie?  At youth?

It’s going to happen.  And I thought about that a lot this weekend. 

Will Ellie be able to stay in dorm with all her friends?  Will she be able to navigate herself to the bathroom without help?  Will there be a wheelchair or walker accessible shower in her dorm?  What will she do when it’s time to play the “big game” on Sunday?  Will the kids want her on their team?  Will she even be able to GET to all the stations, with her wheelchair?  How will she get on the bus?  Will I have to drive her separately?  Will her friends wait for her when she takes longer to get places?  Will she have friends? 

My heart feels panic when I process all these questions.

Because I want this for her.  SO MUCH.  I want her to love being a teenager as much as I did.  I want her to feel safe and secure within her youth group.  I want her to have BFFs that love her and love Jesus.  Like mine did…STILL DO!  I want her to giggle in her dorm room, as she tells her girlfriends about the guy she has a crush on (who, of course, will also love Jesus and won’t ever hurt Ellie’s heart.  Right?!).

It’s just so hard to imagine.  Because of all the questions.  All the “what if’s?”  All the unknowns.

But, there is something I know without a shadow of a doubt: If Ellie wants to go to Abundant Springs 2021, I will move the Saskatchewan Prairies to get her there. 

According to our conversation in the car this morning, there will be some prairie-moving to do:

“I wish I could go to Sassassawan, Mom.”

“Well, you’ll get to when you’re older.”

“Old like you?”

“No, not *that* old.  When you’re Shane’s age.”  (Shane is one of our youth kids, and Ellie adores him.)

“When will I be Shane’s age?”

“In 11 years.”

“And when I get to go to Sassassawan, will you and Daddy be there too?”

“No, I don’t think you’ll want Daddy and me there.  You’ll want to be there with your friends.  And your youth leaders.  Maybe Shane will be there as your youth leader!”

“Because you and Daddy will be too old?”

“Yup.”

“And because when I’m Shane’s age, then I won’t need you and Daddy to be there?”

(Heart-smiling.)  “Right.”

“But you and Daddy will come pick me up when the bus comes back to the church?”

“Absolutely!”

“Oooh, I can’t wait till I’m Shane’s age!  It’s going to be so much fun!”

Yes, sweet Ellie.  It will be so much fun.  And Daddy and I will be there to pick you up, anxiously waiting for all the stories that you probably won’t want to tell us until you’ve had a good night sleep.  And when you say, “I love you, Mom, but I’d rather be back at Abundant Springs, hanging out with my friends,” I won’t feel one bit of sadness. 

Only joy.

That is my prayer.

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Relishing TODAY

Ugh.  Moving week has kicked my bootay.  I need to make up for some serious blog slackage.  There is, of course, no rest for the literary weary, because Big R and I are off to the tourist mecca of Saskatchewan for a big Youth Conference on Friday.  Nothing spells "Happy May Long Weekend!" like a sleepless 4-night bout with 700 teenagers.  Good thing I'm still 16 at heart!

Today has been a GREAT day!

Ellie lurved spending time with her boyfriend, Elias, at therapy this morning. 

I bought new capris in an all-new, guess-this-is-what-happens-to-your-body-when-you-get-off-your-butt-and-start-running size.

Cable was hooked up in the rental house.

I just had a 9th grade student say, "Mrs. K-B, you're too loud to be a librarian!"

And.  The BESTEST part of my day was receiving this email:

Hello Chrystie.

Congratulations! The School of Library and Information Studies at The University of Alabama is recommending you for acceptance to the 2011 Online MLIS cohort. The Graduate School will confirm your acceptance shortly via mailed correspondence. We look forward to your joining us and hope that your plans are developing accordingly.

Kind regards,

­­­­­­­­­­­­­Beth R, Assistant to the Director
School of Library and Information Studies
The University of Alabama, Box 870252, Tuscaloosa AL 35487-0252

Yippee Skippee!  Before the terror sets in, I'm going to relish the delight of being accepted to the college I wanted; one of the best Library Science schools in North America.  Tomorrow I'll worry about the cost, the extra work-load, the studying, the feelings of inadequacy...But, for today, I can say, as a STUDENT at UA: Roll Tide Roll!

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Wow. Just...WOW.

I'm posting this on both blogs.  It's just too good to leave it on just one.



I was nervous yesterday.  Not nervous for Ellie, but for me.  And then, of course, I felt guilty for being so selfish.  I was nervous about people looking at Ellie.  Not because she was breathtakingly pretty.  Not because her smile was radiant.  But, because of her...uniqueness. 

But, then Ellie came on stage and the only emotions I felt were sheer joy and pride.  I mean, LOOK AT HER.  She just breathes life.  Life to the fullest.  Unabashed happiness.  Because, as Ellie would say of herself, "God made me special and I'm a princess!"

Yes, my darling, you are.

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