Saturday, June 30, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Thanks Babe!
That would be THANK YOU to my dreamboat, Richie, for making my blog all pretty. Honestly, I tried to do it on my own, but after five minutes of frustration, I opted to ask for help. See, I *knew* there was a reason I married a computer programmer!
I picked this particular verse to display at the top (for now), because it's one of my favourites. It encompasses so many of my struggles in the past couple of years: I've always said that the most difficult aspect of Ellie's CP is playing the waiting game. I want to know NOW what she'll be capable of doing in five years. I want the doctors to tell me with certainty if she'll walk and talk and...Of course, no one is able to do that. So, I have been learning how to wait in the Lord. And, any verse that talks about running reminds me that no matter what Ellie is able to do here on Earth, there will come a day when she will run and jump and fly. Mmmm, sweet thoughts.
I picked this particular verse to display at the top (for now), because it's one of my favourites. It encompasses so many of my struggles in the past couple of years: I've always said that the most difficult aspect of Ellie's CP is playing the waiting game. I want to know NOW what she'll be capable of doing in five years. I want the doctors to tell me with certainty if she'll walk and talk and...Of course, no one is able to do that. So, I have been learning how to wait in the Lord. And, any verse that talks about running reminds me that no matter what Ellie is able to do here on Earth, there will come a day when she will run and jump and fly. Mmmm, sweet thoughts.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Happy Daddy's Day, Big R!
Honestly, I'm not up to writing a long post, and if I start describing how AMAZING a dad Richard is, it's bound to be endless, so I will simply say:
I love you Richie, and you are a DREAM dad to Ellie. Thank you.
I love you Richie, and you are a DREAM dad to Ellie. Thank you.
My Fair Lady
The teeny-tiny fair came to our even teeny-tinier town this weekend, and Ellie got to ride the ferris wheel with Mommy and Uncle Jarret:
and the Merry-Go-Round with Auntie Cherise:
Lucky girl!
and the Merry-Go-Round with Auntie Cherise:
Lucky girl!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
My Babushka Girl
A true Mennonite with the head covering! It's soo fun dressing up a girl! (And, see, she doesn't ALWAYS wear pajamas!)
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
My Purty Yard
Most of you already know that I'm not really an outdoor enthusiast. Oh, sure, I love me some skin-cancerous tans and a crackling bon fire at sunset, but that's about it. When we bought this house in October, I *knew* I'd have to step up to the plate, because the yard was awesome. I'm proud to say that I won't disappoint! Granted, landscapes are never as purty in pictures as in real life, so cut me some slack. I'm still PROUD!
View of stone patio and planters filled to the brim with thriving, colorful flowers (just don't ask me their actual NAMES). Notice the HEE-OOOJ rose bush on the far right of the bottom bed. It's starting to bloom and I'm so excited! (Although that certainly gives Richard an "out" for not buying me any for the next three months...)
Notice pretty wicked awesome perennial garden to the center and right of the house. LOVE IT!
Also, don't ask me what's planted in the back-yard field. I don't have a hot clue. I'm just PRAYING it's not canola, cuz that stuff STINKS when it blooms!
I had to slip one Ellie pic in here too. She ADORES the swing in the backyard (as do I), sweet thang! This one is especially for you, Jane, so that you can tell Oscar that he's not the only one that rips around in a diaper!
View of stone patio and planters filled to the brim with thriving, colorful flowers (just don't ask me their actual NAMES). Notice the HEE-OOOJ rose bush on the far right of the bottom bed. It's starting to bloom and I'm so excited! (Although that certainly gives Richard an "out" for not buying me any for the next three months...)
Notice pretty wicked awesome perennial garden to the center and right of the house. LOVE IT!
Also, don't ask me what's planted in the back-yard field. I don't have a hot clue. I'm just PRAYING it's not canola, cuz that stuff STINKS when it blooms!
I had to slip one Ellie pic in here too. She ADORES the swing in the backyard (as do I), sweet thang! This one is especially for you, Jane, so that you can tell Oscar that he's not the only one that rips around in a diaper!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Practicing With Utensils
So, it's still a work in progress, and her dexterity needs some fine-tuning, but Ellie most certainly knows *what* to do with the spoon!I also realize, once again, that Ellie is almost always pictured in her pajamas. I think it is time for me to face y'all and admit to it:
"Hello, my name is Chrystie, and my daughter wears pajamas all day if we don't have any outings planned."
At least I'm honest!
Friday, June 8, 2007
Death By a Thousand Paper Cuts
Ellie's name FINALLY slithered its way up on the speech therapy queue, and the SLT (speech language pathologist) came over to our place the other day to perform his initial evaluation. Yay, whoop, yee haw, right?
It was going swimmingly until the end. Daniel (SLT) was putting on his shoes to leave the house (after being here for over two hours, wow!), and said, "Ellie's receptive language is so acute that, even if she would need augmentative communication devices in the future, she should have no problem learning how to use them."
This is what Richard deducted from that comment: "Ellie is as smart as a whip!"
This is what *I* deducted from that comment: "Ellie will never talk. She will need to use a bulky computer that sounds like the robot-girl from Small Wonder in order to communicate. Because she will be non-verbal, she will never be able to tell you when she has to go to the bathroom, so you can expect her to be in diapers forever. Thus, she will never have friends, and her life will be terrible. See ya next week!"
Of course, I realize that our fresh-out-of-college, soft spoken, super-encouraging SLT was trying to tell us that Ellie's potential is enormous. He was trying to point out the positives and swish his verbal pom pom's, cheering us on. I'm not sure why, then, I took his words so hard. I truly felt like I had been punched in the gut (perhaps his pom poms were made of lead?).
Just when I think I've got it figured out, and that my heart is "okay" with Ellie's disability, I get side swiped and am forced to face the grieving process all over again.
To quote my dear friend, H, whose son has cerebral palsy, "I get sick with dread every time someone does an evaluation: I remember sitting and crying one day that I felt like the experts just dropped by every now and then to take another piece of my son away from me. It felt like death by a thousand paper cuts."
The cuts from the first few wounds (finding out about Ellie's brain damage, knowing that she would never walk "normally", being told that most physical movements would be difficult for her) are starting to heal. The scars will forever remain, but even the bandages have been ripped off.
It's the "new" cuts that make my heart bleed from the core. The possibility that Ellie may not communicate verbally. The chance that she may always test behind on her IQ tests. The likelihood that she may never be able to type out an email (her occupational therapist hinted that Ellie may not ever have the speed or dexterity in her hands to type on a "regular" keyboard). Slice, slice, slice.
I realize, of course, that NO ONE knows what Ellie will do. I pray EVERY DAY that she will amaze each doctor and therapist by what she accomplishes, both physically and mentally. But, right now, I still grieve. And hurt. And bleed. Because the unknown is scary. Because God doesn't always heal. Because I don't want to see my sweet Ellie struggle any more, yet know she will.
I suppose my bandage is hope. I hold onto it with each blood-stained finger.
PS: Thanks, H, for your ever-so-articulate words of love and understanding, and I hope it was okay for me to use them here. No one says it better than you do, after all!
It was going swimmingly until the end. Daniel (SLT) was putting on his shoes to leave the house (after being here for over two hours, wow!), and said, "Ellie's receptive language is so acute that, even if she would need augmentative communication devices in the future, she should have no problem learning how to use them."
This is what Richard deducted from that comment: "Ellie is as smart as a whip!"
This is what *I* deducted from that comment: "Ellie will never talk. She will need to use a bulky computer that sounds like the robot-girl from Small Wonder in order to communicate. Because she will be non-verbal, she will never be able to tell you when she has to go to the bathroom, so you can expect her to be in diapers forever. Thus, she will never have friends, and her life will be terrible. See ya next week!"
Of course, I realize that our fresh-out-of-college, soft spoken, super-encouraging SLT was trying to tell us that Ellie's potential is enormous. He was trying to point out the positives and swish his verbal pom pom's, cheering us on. I'm not sure why, then, I took his words so hard. I truly felt like I had been punched in the gut (perhaps his pom poms were made of lead?).
Just when I think I've got it figured out, and that my heart is "okay" with Ellie's disability, I get side swiped and am forced to face the grieving process all over again.
To quote my dear friend, H, whose son has cerebral palsy, "I get sick with dread every time someone does an evaluation: I remember sitting and crying one day that I felt like the experts just dropped by every now and then to take another piece of my son away from me. It felt like death by a thousand paper cuts."
The cuts from the first few wounds (finding out about Ellie's brain damage, knowing that she would never walk "normally", being told that most physical movements would be difficult for her) are starting to heal. The scars will forever remain, but even the bandages have been ripped off.
It's the "new" cuts that make my heart bleed from the core. The possibility that Ellie may not communicate verbally. The chance that she may always test behind on her IQ tests. The likelihood that she may never be able to type out an email (her occupational therapist hinted that Ellie may not ever have the speed or dexterity in her hands to type on a "regular" keyboard). Slice, slice, slice.
I realize, of course, that NO ONE knows what Ellie will do. I pray EVERY DAY that she will amaze each doctor and therapist by what she accomplishes, both physically and mentally. But, right now, I still grieve. And hurt. And bleed. Because the unknown is scary. Because God doesn't always heal. Because I don't want to see my sweet Ellie struggle any more, yet know she will.
I suppose my bandage is hope. I hold onto it with each blood-stained finger.
PS: Thanks, H, for your ever-so-articulate words of love and understanding, and I hope it was okay for me to use them here. No one says it better than you do, after all!
Monday, June 4, 2007
Hot Fun In the Summertime
When we lived in Texas, we took "nice" weather for granted. I realize that now. After conquering through my first Canadian winter in eight years, I have once again adopted the attitude that, unless it's thunderstorming and frost is on the ground, everyone should be OUTSIDE, enjoying the summer! Ellie certainly agrees!
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Top Five
Richie and I were on a (gasp!) date last night, and I asked him to come up with five of his "favorite days". It had us laughing, and it made my heart fuzzy to remember "the good times". So, here's MY top five list (in no particular order):
*The first time that Ellie slept through the night.
*The day Richard and I went to Atlanta, while we were still dating. I'm fairly certain that I fell madly in love with him at the CNN Headquarters there.
*Having dinner with Richard at a fancy restaurant in The Bellagio (Las Vegas). It was actually difficult to pick just ONE moment from that trip, because it was SUCH a good one!
*Winning provincials with my ringette team when I was in the fifth grade.
*Cast party celebrating the end of my high school senior year musical, The Gondoliers. Oh to have the energy to dance hard until 3am again!
*The first time that Ellie slept through the night.
*The day Richard and I went to Atlanta, while we were still dating. I'm fairly certain that I fell madly in love with him at the CNN Headquarters there.
*Having dinner with Richard at a fancy restaurant in The Bellagio (Las Vegas). It was actually difficult to pick just ONE moment from that trip, because it was SUCH a good one!
*Winning provincials with my ringette team when I was in the fifth grade.
*Cast party celebrating the end of my high school senior year musical, The Gondoliers. Oh to have the energy to dance hard until 3am again!
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Morning With Daddy
I had breakfast with the girls today (an all-morning affair for us!), so Ellie hung out with her Dad. Richard did good by hauling the camera around on their outings. SO CUTE!
Friday, June 1, 2007
Feeling A Little Overwhelmed
I had my calendar out this morning and about peed my olive green panties when I realized how busy we are this month. Here is a run-down of our therapy and medical appointments:
June 5 am: Conductive Therapy at Movement Center
June 5 pm: Speech Therapy at home
June 6: Physical and Occupational Therapy at Children's Hospital
June 8: Cognitive Therapy at home
June 11: Physical therapy at Children's Hospital
June 12: Conductive Therapy at Movement Center
June 14: Private physical therapy at home
June 19 am: Conductive Therapy at Movement Center
June 19 pm: Appointment with the Orthopedist and equipment check at Rehab Center
June 20: Physical and Occupational Therapy at Children's Hospital
June 21: Speech therapy at home
June 22: Cognitive therapy at home
June 25: Optometrist appointment in Stonewall (one-and-a-half hour drive, one way)
June 26: Conductive therapy at Movement Center
GULP. Keep in mind that all of the appointments and therapy sessions that are not at home are in Winnipeg, which is a one-hour drive, one way.
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME THIS MONTH!!
June 5 am: Conductive Therapy at Movement Center
June 5 pm: Speech Therapy at home
June 6: Physical and Occupational Therapy at Children's Hospital
June 8: Cognitive Therapy at home
June 11: Physical therapy at Children's Hospital
June 12: Conductive Therapy at Movement Center
June 14: Private physical therapy at home
June 19 am: Conductive Therapy at Movement Center
June 19 pm: Appointment with the Orthopedist and equipment check at Rehab Center
June 20: Physical and Occupational Therapy at Children's Hospital
June 21: Speech therapy at home
June 22: Cognitive therapy at home
June 25: Optometrist appointment in Stonewall (one-and-a-half hour drive, one way)
June 26: Conductive therapy at Movement Center
GULP. Keep in mind that all of the appointments and therapy sessions that are not at home are in Winnipeg, which is a one-hour drive, one way.
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME THIS MONTH!!
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