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Tuesday, October 13, 2009


I need to blog. My head is everywhere. EVERY.WHERE. Still waiting to hear from the orthopedic surgeon regarding Ellie's hip x-rays. If he feels they look okay, then SDR (spine) surgery will be scheduled for January. It is all-consuming. I envision Ellie waking up after surgery in the hospital bed. I panic in my head. In my nightmare, she's in pain and crying out to me, pleading with her mommy to make it stop. I pray. Every second it seems. For wisdom, for strength, for guidance, for angelic doctor-hands. I watch football and fade away for a few hours. I hear Ellie cheer, "Roll Tide Roll!" and it makes my chaotic heart smile. I work. I love it there. This last weekend, I built a States-side fortress around my heart; a fortress made up of life-long friends and family. It was a delightful break.

See, everywhere.

I can't even communicate my thoughts on cyber-paper. Other than to say that I just want the best. Because, well, just LOOK AT HER: