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Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Butterflies. Not the pretty kind that fly around in the garden, or the type of stickers that Ellie sometimes chooses to put on her potty chart, but the gross kind. The kind that lead to vomiting. The kind that lead to heart palpitations and tears. I’m trying to keep them out of my stomach, but I’m not always successful.

I’m just really nervous about Monday.

Have I blogged about our upcoming weekend? Either way, I should spill the butterfly beans.
We’re off to Vancouver on Friday. Saturday and Sunday will be nice little exploration days, checking out the mountains and the ocean and the Olympic venues. Monday, though, is the real reason why we’re going out west: we have an appointment to see a pediatric neurosurgeon at BC Children’s Hospital. We’re meeting Dr. Steinbok to discuss Ellie’s candidacy for SDR (ie: spine) surgery.

And, there come the butterflies again.

Dr. Steinbok is the best in Canada. Our local neurosurgeon, whom we love and trust, referred us to him. Ellie will have an all-day evaluation, which will culminate with a neurosurgeon chit-chat.

I don’t know why I’m so nervous. If Ellie’s not a candidate it won’t be the end of the world. Truthfully, either decision is ulcer-inducing. If Dr. Steinbok turns her down, then I will admittedly be very disappointed. I’ve seen and heard so many awesome reports of how SDR has changed lives and resulted in kids being able to walk. I want that for Ellie SO BADLY. Yet, if Dr. Steinbok DOES suggest surgery for Ellie, I’ll be terrified. SPINE surgery. Not finger surgery. SPINE. And SURGERY. And ONE YEAR of intensive post-op therapy.

Major butterflies.

What I desire most is for the doctors to be wise. I don’t know any of these doctors personally, and I have no idea if they’re the “praying kind”. BUT, I beseech all of you to pray for them. Pray that God will speak through them as they advise and lead us towards MASSIVE decisions.

And while you’re on the ole knees, please pray that Richard and I will feel God’s guidance as we pursue the very best medical treatment for Ellie. Of course we want to give her the best shot at walking, but not at any cost.

Selfishly, I’ll be praying that my heart and tummy can find some peace and that we’ll be able to enjoy our sight-seeing time out in Vancouver and that I’ll be okay with any decisions made on Monday. Hey, it’ll be Ellie’s first time seeing the mountains and first time feeling the (very cold) ocean waters on her feet! I’m going to try to concentrate on those things in an effort to shoe those stupid butterflies away!

Thanks for your love and prayers. Many of you are known to me and my heart swells with gratitude when I think of what you’ve done for me; for us. Some of you are “strangers” who support from afar and I thank you for that too!

I’ll keep ya posted…


caregiver said...

We will be praying for you guys. May you feel the Lord's guiding hand on you. We would like to have the best for little Miss Ellie. The Lord knows what he has in plan for the little munchin.

Jennifer said...

Babe, you KNOW you're in my thoughts and prayers! I'm praying God opens the right doors and closes the wrong ones. He's got a big ol' plan for Ellie and it's more amazing than even we can imagine. and hey, just remember... those butterflies are the sign of something big. They remind us to hold onto God's hand so that we don't get too cocky and do things on our own. Parents need those butterflies to remind us that our little monkeys are God's kids...He's just loaned them to us for a while.

Sheila said...

Good luck! I'll be thinking about you and your butterflies and I'll be watching with much anticipation for the post-visit post.

Jane said...

I will of COURSE be thinking of you, and I can't wait to hear how everything goes. And I hope you guys have some excellent "tourist" time too. <3

Teaster said...

I am a 'stranger' from afar who follows your story on a regular basis. Ellie is thought of so often in our home...we too have a daughter with cp.

I know personally of a child who has gained great grounds from SDR surgery. I pray that this will be your new story as well.

You are not alone. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

Southern Eccentric said...

Well, you know we'll be praying for you all! Try to have fun over the weekend. I could say to DON'T WORRY, but I suspect I'd be doing the same thing. ;-)

Carolyn said...

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend.