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Monday, March 2, 2009

Just a Little One


1. a state of nervous depression; "she was in a funk"

I was going to start this blog post by revealing to one and all that I was in a bit of a FUNK, leaving me void of those highly sought-after creative writing juices. Yet, when I actually looked up the definition of FUNK, I realized that neither nervous nor depression accurately described my mood. Both words were a bit harsh.

I’m not nervous. No more than usual, that is. I’m not depressed. Just a little sad. Down. Bummed. Perhaps this is what Webster would refer to as a mini-funk.

I am in a MINI-FUNK.

No particular reason why. Perhaps my heart sighed heavily when I turned over the calendar month yesterday. It knows that this is Ellie’s birthday month. My brain knows that I should be celebrating this very fact. Yet, my heart knows that flashbacks of a tiny, lifeless, grey newborn Ellie are inevitable. My heart knows that on the eve of her fourth birthday, she should be running, jumping, singing, writing, all while wearing pretty Princess panties.

Perhaps I’m sick of winter. Sick, sick, sick of it. While enduring the “coldest winter in 15 years” should make me feel proud and accomplished, what I really feel is frustration. I don’t like the coldest winter in 15 years. I want it to go away.

Perhaps I’m scared about tomorrow. Scared and a bit aggravated. I’ve had to change my work schedule AGAIN to accommodate yet ANOTHER doctor’s appointment for Ellie. They seem never-ending these days. This time, we’re off to see the wizard of ophthalmology. Ellie’s vision is not “normal”. I know that. Richard knows that. All of her therapists know that. Now we’ll see what the good doctor has to say about it. As always, I fear the worst: there’s nothing we can do about it. I also fear the second-worst: surgery. And, I selfishly fear the third-worst: patching and/or glasses.

Anyone have a MINI-FUNK pill or vaccine? I’ll give you a dollar.

Until then, know that I’m okay, just resting on the quiet side. I’ll be writing your ear/eyes off again before you know it!

I will leave you with a non-funkified picture though. Here is the SPECTACULAR cake that Richie-Rich made for sweet Ellie for her first-of-two birthday parties. Ellie adores Sesame Street, and "Osser" is one of her faves. If she ever doubts that her dad loves her...


Southern Eccentric said...

I guess I'm like you, and would not have thought "funk" to be a nervous depression. I've always thought of it more like a "I'm down in the dumps and I really don't know why" kind of thing. Or "I've got the blues, just a lot of little things bugging me" sort of thing. But not a nervous depression! That's kind of a strange definition. I wonder if this is a case of the common usage has changed from the dictionary definition?

ellen :) said...

Hey, girl...
It is absolutely this crap-oo winter! I'm sure yours is worse than ours, but MA is no picnic in the winter. :( We got MORE snow today. (Of course I'm not complaining about the snow day I got, too!) ;)
I also have to take off Wed. from work for a 24 hr. EEG for Sammy an hour away and Brian is working that day. So it's's the only day they have available for a MONTH!! :( WTH??!! are not alone in your "funk" ! I am funking with ya!! ;)
BTW--- Awesome cake!! That rocks! I am into decorating cakes and I am always looking for more ideas! :)

momtoablessing said...

We all have our mini-funk days. I have them alot now since it seems audrianna hasnt hit any milestones in awhile. Ok scratch that she said doggy today.

Also I want to add I absolutly love the osser cake. ellie is one very lucky girl and two birthdays too

Anonymous said...

As a matter of fact, I do have a cure for the mini-funk (or at least a temporary distraction). A date with the best Jane you know! Let's plan one.