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Saturday, January 27, 2007

God's Timing perfect.

I was reminded of that today.

In an email from my friend, A, I was asked if I felt jipped out of precious therapy time in the first year of Ellie's life, when we were unaware of her cerebral palsy. Her daughter, Ella, was hospitalized with meningitis when she was hours old. When she was released four weeks later, everyone knew that Ella had sustained brain damage and that she would most likely be further diagnosed with CP. A's exact words were, "I can't IMAGINE not knowing till Ella was a year old..."

I firmly believe that it was God's grace that kept Ellie's brain injury a secret from us for that first year. God knew that Ella's family needed to be aware of her disabilities from the get-go, just as He knew ELLIE'S family needed a year to heal from other (emotional and physical) wounds. Had I known of Ellie's brain damage from "the beginning", I am confident that I would have had a complete breakdown. The first four months of Ellie's life were so immensely challenging, and my screwed up uterus was so difficult to deal with for seven months after delivery, I don't know how I could have handled anything else. God knew that my body and heart needed to heal before I could take on more formidable news. When Ellie was diagnosed the day before her first birthday, I had come to adore motherhood, and most importantly, had completely fallen in love with my daughter. I needed to be at the place of strength and confidence in order to deal with the shock and passionate pain. God knew that. We may have lost ten months of physical and occupational therapy, but in the scope of a lifetime, that's insignificant. God's grace is indescribably significant.

Another personally poignant example of God's perfect timing encompasses our decision to move to Texas, and STAY in Texas for six years. From the first week we lived in Dallas, I wanted to move back "home" (be it Alabama or Manitoba). The big city was impersonal and overwhelming. We had no friends, no feelings of familiarity, no sense of direction. It was hot AND humid (no, it is NOT a "dry heat" in Dallas!), housing prices were outrageous, and it'd take half an hour to drive four miles during rush hour. One year into our life in Texas, Richard started applying for jobs back in Alabama. My heart wanted OUT of the Lone Star State! I couldn't understand why companies weren't responding to Richard's resume, or why God was "forcing" us to waste away in Dallas. During our third year in North Texas, I had a change of heart and decided that if God wanted us in Dallas, then I better suck it up...and LIVE IT UP. We joined a church, got involved, made fabulous friends, bought a house, and really started enjoying life. If only I had surrendered control to God from the beginning; I could have rocked it up the entire six years! I KNOW that it was part of the bigger plan for us to stay in Texas for many reasons, but the most striking is because of Richard's job. Because of the six years he spent proving himself at T Engineering, he was able to keep his job when God opened the door for us to move back home to Canada. WHO DOES THAT? Who is able to keep their job and telecommute from 1500 miles away?!

Only by the grace of God. ONLY.