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Friday, January 7, 2011

Realty Reality

Living rooms.  Bedrooms. Bathrooms.  Kitchens.  Floor plans.  Square feet.

My head is swimming with house stuff.  Thankfully, that’s a figurative statement, because the LAST thing I need right now is brain matter on my clean walls.

We are selling our house AND  building a new house.

“That’s so exciting!” I’ve heard people say.

You’d think so.  But, I don’t feel that way at all.  Instead, I feel overwhelmed and even a bit sad.  And, I’m trying to figure out why.  Normally, I would dance gleefully in the studio of anticipation and planning.  That’s what I do.  I plan.  I dream.  I figure. 

But, my heart is singing monotone.

First, it’s a lot of work.  For someone who tries to avoid physical labor as much as possible, this is a definite down-side.  We’ve lived in our current house for 4 years and it’s embarrassing how much stuff we’ve acquired in that time.  I’m not even a pack rat!  We have one kid, but you’d think we were the Duggars by the amount of toys we’ve got strewn around the house.

Organizing all our STUFF makes me feel materialistically gluttonous.  Honestly, it gives me nausea.  So much money wasted on crap. 

Second, I’m anxious.  I want our house to sell for a decent price.  I want it to sell fast, yet I’m also nervous about the interim.  I kinda doubt that the buyer will give us a 7-month closing date.  So, we’ll have to find temporary housing, and that’s always a bit of a challenge in a small town and when you require a place without stairs.  BUT.   We’ve been in this exact spot before, and it worked out beautifully.  Experience, in this case, is comfort.

Third, coming up with the perfect floorplan for the new house is completely overwhelming.  I thought this would be the fun part.  But, it’s a thief of sleep and sanity.  I feel so indecisive.  I can’t wait till we have that final blue print.  Cuz, you know, then I get to worry about picking out all the “inside stuff”….

Fourth, and probably the biggest joy-stealer, is contemplating on the reason WHY we’re doing all of this.  We need a wheelchair accessible house.  Not because Richard and I are getting old.  Not because Grandma is moving in with us.  But, because our 5-year-old daughter can’t walk.  Sigh.

I’ve known for a while now that this day would come.  It’s not like I’ve had some sort of pipe dream that Ellie would be able to navigate stairs by the time she hit school.  But, every time these moments arrive, even if expected, they hurt.  I didn’t want it this way.  I didn’t want it to be this way for ELLIE.

It’s difficult for me to not backspace this post because I realize that my complaints are completely hollow.  We are beyond blessed to have the means to build an accessible house for Ellie.  So many parents of physically challenged kids can’t even entertain this option.  I know that.  I so know that.

And I am very grateful for this opportunity.

But, man, I’d take a 500 square foot fourth-floor walk-up apartment in a second if it meant that Ellie could navigate those stairs.

And, sometimes, I just need to blog-vent.  And then move on.

The thing that excites me most about the new house is Ellie’s bathroom.  Oh, I can hardly wait to start working on complete bathroom independence; something we can’t do until we have a restroom that’s big enough for her to navigate in/out of with her walker. 

And, a fridge with an ice water tap.  That excites me too.  HA!
I'll leave you with a picture.  It's mostly unrelated to this post, but it's been a while since I've posted a pic.  You can, however, see the outside of our current house.  Anyone want to buy it?  We'll even throw in the Bama flag if you want!


Sheila said...

Our New England winters are enough for me. I couldn't weather one of your winters! I don't find your complaints hollow. I totally get it! So I'll just send you a big cyber hug and look forward to following the rest of the story. I'm sure you'll find it more exciting as it moves along. Good luck!

ellen :) said...

Ahhhh.... We were in your place a couple of years ago.... we went with building a log home because Brian did all of it by himself with some family help (and me--another hater of physical labor!) and it was a "kit". We went through giving up our dream of living in the "boonies" to which we had already purchased a piece of land outright because it was just too far away from medical care if Sam needed it (thank you, seizures and pneumonias!) I love a second floor, but we gave that up for a totally one floor handicap accessible home. We have a walk-in handicap shower (that was a fortune, btw!) and we had to put our bathroom together to fit a wheelchair around in it, instead of what looks good. :( We have a commercial flat rug in Sam's room because of his walker, and we have an open space living area (that I am not crazy about) for his walker too.... We just spent another fortune buying a handicap van that i HATE and getting it equipped. We spent another fortune putting up a garage for the van, etc. with a covered handicap "bridge" out to the driveway for Sam's wheelchair. I HATE that he cannot walk to the bus of his own accord and that he cannot go in his brother's room with his walker because the rug is too high. There are so many things that SUCK about the house situation, but like you, I have to be thankful that we have the means to afford these things and that my boys have a nice roof over their heads.
Ellis is SO blessed with what she has, even though it is hard to deal with at times, I take great joy in seeing all that she can do and living vicariously through you guys with her gains! :)
She is blessed to have you guys that love her so much and give her all she needs and wants! :)
(BTW--I was thinking of you the other day when somebody on the Today show crowd had a sign that said, "Roll Tide". :)
P.S. Pop onto my blog to see pics of the house (on there from about a year ago) and the new pics of our wheelchair ramp.