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Sunday, March 14, 2010

Another March

You know what time it is.

Someone has a birthday tomorrow.  Someone will be FIVE.YEARS.OLD.

And that someone's mom always struggles with the memories of March 15, 2005.

BUT.

This year seems to be better.  I don't know if it's a result of being so preoccupied with "Florida Post-Op Life" or if time has befriended my heart.  Either way, I'll take it.

Oh, I've still had my moments this week.  For a second, I get caught up in what I thought my daughter would be doing, would be saying, would be wanting on her 5th birthday.  For a second, I am terrified by the clock that mercilessly keeps ticking.  Every year, Ellie gets heavier.  Every year, Ellie's CP becomes more obvious.  For a second, I forget to breathe because the desire to change things is overwhelming.  I want to make things better for ELLIE.  I want to take away her struggles. 

Yet, the next second, I look in the rearview mirror as I'm driving to therapy, and I see a beautiful little girl, pretending to call Daddy on her Princess Belle cell phone, telling him that we'll be home in a couple of hours, once she's done working hard at Gabby's.  She hangs up the phone with a smile and says, "Mommy, now I'm going to text Steph."  And the isolated pointer finger on her left hand starts banging the digits.

She's happy.  So happy.  And that has ALWAYS been my overwhelming desire. 

I don't live in a fog.  I know that there are a lot of things that Ellie should be doing at 5 that she's not.  However, I also know that she's doing a LOT of age-appropriate things and I am holding onto that knowledge.  She surprises me every day by the things she says or does.  I want to make that my yardstick. I want to be happy because SHE'S happy.

In a true picture of "life as we know it", we are spending tomorrow, Ellie's 5th birthday, travelling to Tampa so that we can go to Shriner's Hospital and pick up her new leg braces.  Ellie is PUMPED to get her new "special shoes".  She even asked me, "Are my new AFOs my birthday present?"  She would be more than pleased if they were.  She's happy.  She knows a life that's no different. 

Oh, the lessons taught by a four  five year old...

On second thought, maybe THESE would be better birthday presents...

7 comments:

Sheila said...

Happy 5th Birthday, Sweet Ellie! I'm so glad your Momma heart is feeling lighter this year. Love the cell phone and texting stories! Those are wonderfully age appropriate moments! Her vocabulary is amazing! Be proud, Mom!

beautyinallthings said...

I wish I could have celebrated our birthday's together. But I will wait until next year to give her a special gift to honor the day we share!

Happy Birthday Ellie! You are the best at being you!

James Patrick said...

Happy 5th Birthday Ellie!!!

momtoablessing said...

Happy 5th Birthday to a very special princess. Audrianna will be 5 next month and will be getting her casts off from her surgery the day after her birthday and sized for new braces and then getting new casts on and also is excited. It is very hard to figure out birthday gifts for our miracles but although it is hard to think about all that they should have and should be able to play with. Its also just as easy to see that our children are just as happy with any gift they recieve no matter how big or small. Take ellie being happy about getting her braces she knows that they help her with her walking.

peitricia mae said...

Happy Birfday, beee-yoo-ti-ful girl!

May your sweet heart continue to overflow with happiness and may you keep blessing those around you with that perfect little smile of yours.

Much, much taunte love!

Dawn said...

Happy Belated Birthday Sweet Ellie! I've enjoyed watching you grow up and am glad your awesome Mom shares you with us in the bloggy world. May your 6th year be the best yet!

ellen :) said...

Happy belated birthday, my sweet Ellie!!
Chrystie, I teared up when I read the texting story..be SO proud of your little sweetie for using those amazing words and using that Princess phone! :) You are blessed, even though I know some days it doesn't feel it! I love the pic of her in her walker! Go Ellie! :)

Hugs from us in MA!
Love, Ellen, Luke, and Sammy :)