Glimpses

I know I need to post.

I know I need to share my heart.

I know I need to give you new glimpses of sweet Ellie.

But, I'm tired. It's December and the calendar is jam-packed.

It's Christmas. Though my heart, head, and body are a bit weary, I am finally feeling ready to celebrate the Big Birthday. I don't always understand His ways, but I feel it in my bones that God is good and faithful. I want to really and truly celebrate the birth of my Saviour. And that's what I'm going to do!

I have to admit that Ellie's new surgery date was a hurdle I ran straight into. I am almost ashamed to admit that I was heartbroken when the nurse said, "January 26th."

I had publicly proclaimed to my little world that I trusted God would get Ellie into the operating room before January 19th. Last time I checked my calendar, the 26th came AFTER the 19th. Close, sure, but outside the parameters of my prayer. Outside the "miracle box".

I cried. Not because Ellie's surgery date was pushed forward three weeks, but because it felt like God played a nasty trick on me. Finally, I believed. Finally, I felt the faith ooze through my spiritual pores. And then, January 26th. One week short of my faith line. One week longer than my belief would stretch.

BUT. There's a reason why the last two paragraphs are written in past tense. God is a healer of hearts. Through my tears and questions, He held my hand. I don't know why Ellie wasn't miraculously fit into Dr. Steinbok's surgery schedule before the 19th, but I DO know that believing in God's ability to make it happen was chocolate for my soul. Maybe that was the point.


So, I've been making new arrangements and things are falling into place quite nicely. Vancouver accommodations are booked (and we seem to be coming and going *just* before the Olympic rush raises prices higher than those purty mountains). Flights are scheduled. Post-op therapy is a-go. It's good.

Now it's Christmastime and I want to soak it in. I want to experience the holidays though the eyes of a sweet four-year-old.

I want to go to Ellie's preschool Christmas program tomorrow and feel happy...that my daughter has made friends, that she knows who Jesus is, that she has flourished in school. And if she's the only one not singing, and the only one not standing, and the only one not doing the actions, and the only one who doesn't say a verse, I want to be okay with it. Because she's Ellie, and it's Christmas.

So, there you go:

I've posted.

I've shared my heart.

And, I'm leaving you with glimpse of sweet Ellie in her Christmas outfit.