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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A Story about a Girl and her Girl

Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children."
Gen. 15: 19

Let me tell you a story about a girl. A vertically-challenged, natural curly-haired, glasses-wearing girl. A girl with a voice loud enough to startle a sleeping baby. A girl who laughs more than she cries. A girl who answers, “wicked awesome!” when asked how things are going. A girl who is often told that she has things together, that she’s a great mom, that her daughter is so lucky to have such encouraging parents.

A girl who’s so comfortable hiding behind her mask it’s become her second skin; a protective outer layer that’s painful to peal off.

A girl who, deep down, lives in constant fear.

This is a girl who spends a lot of precious energy trying to cover up her fatigue. She’s often tired because she spends the nights in timid thought, listing her fears.

She’s scared that the next time someone says, “Your kid reminds me of a Golden Retriever I once had; he would drool everywhere too”, her daughter will be within ear-shot and will be old enough to understand.

She’s terrified of the day when her daughter becomes so heavy that her mom and babysitter find it difficult to care for her anymore.

She dreads the day her daughter asks, “Why don’t my legs work, Mommy?”

She’s fearful of running out of therapy and surgery money.

She’s frightened of September, 2010. That’s when she’ll have to leave her daughter to fend for herself in the scary land of School; where her daughter will no longer be shielded by her mother’s protective arms.

This is a story about a girl who knows she shouldn’t be scared; who doesn’t WANT to be scared. A girl who knows that she’s strong enough handle this. A girl who realizes, at least in her head, that God has promised to take care of her AND HER CHILD.

Shouldn’t and aren’t are two very exclusive concepts. This girl is well aware of that.

I tell you this story because the subject told me I could. She wants people to know that she struggles with accepting the life God’s given her. She thinks it’s important that people, especially those who are walking in similar shoes, realize that she’s not as strong as she sometimes pretends to be. She even wants you to know that she’s scared. Not because she needs sympathy, but because she desires validation. Recognize her fears are real. Acknowledge that her future is scary. And love her, love her daughter, love who they’re going to become despite of the fear.

I can say with confidence that she thanks you.


Melissa said...

Beautiful post, Chrystie.....& I can honestly say I know how you feel. I'm right there with you on this journey, sweetie & am sending you ((HUGS)) across the miles.

North Dakota Ward's said...

Thank you so much for this story. I am always so grateful to read other peoples thoughts. You are an inspiration to me.

~Laura~ said...

I love you so much! Thanks for being REAL and sharing your heart. He holds you and Ellie in the palm of His hand. ((hugs))

Sheila said...

You write so eloquently, Chrystie! You are amazing at expressing your feelings in words. Know that I'm right there with you too and feel every one of your fears. ((HUGS))