Glory

I was inspired today by my friend, Andrea. She is an amazing woman of God, whose daughter also has cerebral palsy. She holds a special place in my heart because, of my “Moms with CP kids” friends, she is the only one with whom I can openly talk about faith and Christianity.

Here’s a quote from Andrea’s blog entry that tugged at my heart:

It's hard to remember that I'm supposed to desire that God be glorified out of this situation we've been given.

I am so guilty of forgetting how God fits into my life. In all areas, but particulary when it comes to Ellie. I’ve often bragged about my lack of anger towards God for “allowing” Ellie’s stroke and subsequent brain injury to happen. I somehow convinced myself that I was *such* a good Christian, that I was incapable of being outraged at God.

What if my lack of anger is a result of the distance that stands between God and me? You can’t be ripped off at Someone you don’t care about. Annoyed, perhaps, but not truly, passionately ANGRY.

I know that God is gracious and that He has guarded my heart in the past two years, and spared me from a lot of emotional destruction. I believe it’s part of His grace that kept me from blaming Him. But, I shamefully admit that my surface relationship with Him was another factor. I’m thankful that I was spared from these feelings, but saddened by the possible reasons why.

The amazing thing about our God is that he is redeeming. The past is insignificant when it comes to His inviting, open arms. He accepts me today without any hesitation, and erases the distance I once felt.

Thankfully, I still feel very little anger. Oh, I have a plethora of questions to ask of Him, and I plead with Him on a near daily basis to “fix” my baby, but I don’t raise my fists towards heaven in a bout of rage.

Which brings me back to Andrea’s sentence. I am so very guilty of not seeing Ellie’s life, and her physical struggles, through God’s eyes. It pains me to admit that I rarely consider how these circumstances can bring glory to the One who made her, IN HIS IMAGE. I really, really want that. My soul yearns for something good to come out of this crap. I beg God to prepare sweet Ellie’s heart to be a breathing testimony of how God can use EVERYone. I pray that I can somehow radiate His goodness and mercy through the way I handle this situation, and praise Him when I feel like there’s nothing sing about.

So, today, I glorify God for finding me worthy enough to be Ellie’s mom. I glorify Him for seeing past our imperfections and molding us into His image. I glorify Him for giving me the opportunity to learn patience. I glorify Him for holding me up when my strength is gone (Ellie isn’t always the only one who can’t stand on her own two feet). I glorify Him for second chances. And, I glorify Him for being the LIGHT at the end of the tunnel, for making heaven a place of peace, rest, and perfectly working bodies.