Happy Birthday Ellie!

Today is an emotional day. Two years ago today, I was in a hospital room, begging for more "juice" in my epidural. One year ago today, I thought that my broken heart was incapable of being fixed.

For those of you who don't know, or can't remember, we found out one year ago, on Ellie's first birthday, that she had cerebral palsy. What a way to kick off the celebration.

There are so many reasons for me to swim in happiness today. My sweet Ellie is a dream and I could not love her more. She has amazed everyone by her progress, both physically and mentally, this year, and for that I rejoice. Ellie is pickin' FUNNY, and she made me laugh so hard this morning, that I had tears running down my face (she was having a "conversation" with her new doll, and it was blasted hilarious)! Life as we know it in our little niche in Southeastern Manitoba, is great.

Yet, I wonder if Ellie's birthday will always serve as a remembrance to "the day". THE DAY we found out. THE DAY our lives changed forever. THE DAY I became completely broken. THE DAY that I had to start Revising The Dream...

Perhaps that's not a bad thing. Maybe it will be a reminder of how far Ellie's come. How far I'VE come. The desperation I felt on March 15, 2006 has washed away. I have started to heal. I have started to feel peace. What a gift!

Eventually, as the years pass, I would like March 15th to be a complete celebration of Ellie's life. I want to reflect on the day in 2005, when I gave birth to my sweet girl, not 2006, sitting in the neurologist's office. I think that will be possible. I believe that the memories of 2006 will fade.

But, today, I will hold the memories of one year ago as a reminder of how far we've all come. And I will look into my daughter's perfectly blue and sparkling eyes while I say, "I love you, Ellie," as I cry with joy and thanksgiving. I could not be more blessed.