Friday was a rough day. I wanted to blog about it, but time didn't permit, and sometimes I worry about writing to the world when I feel so very sad. I lose perspective quite easily, and if you don't know me well, you'd think that I should be making an appointment with a psychiatrist ASAP.
As I expected, a good night's sleep, a glass of Bailey's, and breakfast with two of my sweetest girlfriends have since helped put things back into perspective.
What spurred on my glum was a comment made by a precious friend of mine. I love her, and know that her intentions are pure, but it stung nonetheless. She was complaining that her 13-month-old was off-the-charts heavy (about the same weight as Ellie is now, at 2-and-a-half), and since he hasn't started walking yet, she still had to carry him around everywhere.
It made me want to SCREAM !
My head started spinning with questions:
Why would you gripe about something like that? Don't you know I would give my life for the knowledge that I only had another couple of months of carrying Ellie around, before she'd be walking, then running, then jumping? Don't you realize that I'll be lugging my baby around for perhaps a lifetime?
That was Friday. Today is Sunday, and rationality has taken over. I've still thought about that comment a lot, not so much about the exact words, but about my reaction to the remark. Deep down, I know that I would have been the one complaining, had circumstances been different, and Ellie's life been "normal". I wouldn't have thought twice about griping over Ellie's unfortunately pronounced cowlick, or her seasonal recurring eczema. It wouldn't have crossed my mind that these COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT AND SMALL PROBLEMS weren't worthy of breath or thought. I don't even know that I would have thanked God that my baby's issues were so very trivial.
So, perhaps this is just another way in which Ellie has blessed me. And changed me. She has made me sensitive in so many ways. I have learned (or, more accurately, am still learning) how to choose my words carefully and respectfully. I have been taught how to cry from the deepest depths of my heart. I have been trained to see people differently. I now know how to be thankful. Truly, unabashedly, 100 percent, fall down on my knees with my face buried in the floor because God's warm light is blinding THANKFUL.
I am involved in an on-line support group for moms with children diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I know that many of them would give everything in order for their child to be as mildly affected as Ellie. For me to complain about Ellie bee-line crawling to the lamp electrical cords, or how annoying her constant "Mommy's!" are would be complete blasphemy to these mothers. Just as I would give my life to know that my butt-lugging days would come to an end in a couple months, they would give their lives to hear their child say "Mommy" once in his/her lifetime.
It's all about perspective. Ellie has taught me so much about that.
So, my lesson from Friday, my very bad day, is that I need to be more mindful of what I say, and I most definitely need to be consumed with gratitude for what God has GIVEN, not taken. I can be filled with despair if I think of how part of Ellie's brain was taken from her....OR...I can be filled with thankfulness by God's grace in allowing Ellie to LIVE, to BREATHE, to TALK, to THINK, to BE.
Today, I choose to be thankful.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
FINALLY!
I think Ellie is definitely feeling better!
Case in point: We went to the little Kiddie Amusement Park today!
Horsie!
Grandpa's a great ladder!
I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared...
(And for the record, she laughed much of the time on the Ferris Wheel, so she really WASN'T scared!)
Waiting for the train with Grandpapa
On the train with Auntie Cici
Case in point: We went to the little Kiddie Amusement Park today!
Horsie!
Grandpa's a great ladder!
I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared...
(And for the record, she laughed much of the time on the Ferris Wheel, so she really WASN'T scared!)
Waiting for the train with Grandpapa
On the train with Auntie Cici
Friday, August 17, 2007
...Or Not
Ellie's recovery was less impressive than I first thought. Turns out that the little girl still has a lingering lung infection, which started getting worse once the antibiotics left her system. We spent the morning introducing ourselves to new doctors at the Walk-In Clinic and Emergency Room yesterday. FUN TIMES at their best.
Ellie was a trooper, and made many friends in the waiting rooms. She especially loved the radiology tech, as he was positioning her for chest x-rays. The girl has good taste, because the straight-out-of-college tech WAS pretty hot.
So, now Ellie's on another round of antibiotics (which taste like crap, and have to be given THREE times a day. Goodness me...), and is in possession of her very first Ventolin puffer. She seems to be in good spirits today, and actually ate a decent breakfast (I slipped the antibiotics into her yogurt, which seemed to work okay, thankfully). Maybe THIS is the upswing I so desperately desire!
I experienced a strange moment in the ER yesterday. The doctor came in and asked, "Can you briefly tell me Ellie's history?"
Instantly, I spouted it off:
"She was born at 33 weeks gestation after I experienced an undiagnosed gastrointestinal infection. She had APGARs of 1 and 2, and was immediately intubated. She was on a ventilator for three days, then graduated to a nasal cannula for three weeks. No sepsis was found, although she did have a heart murmur, which subsequently resolved itself after three months. She was diagnosed with severe reflux at six weeks old, and prescribed prevacid and bethenacol, which she took for approximately a year. An MRI at 11 months old showed periventricular leukomalacia, and a resulting diagnosis of spastic diplegia cerebral palsy was given. She had surgery for strabismus when she was 9 months old, and that was successfully treated."
As soon as the mumble-jumble came out of my mouth, I realized how rehearsed it all sounded. I know the spiel off by heart. I spout off words that, 2 years ago, I didn't even know how to pronounce. I know what they mean, and I know how seemingly insignificant facts are interrelated. It's so odd. For those of you who know me well, you are well aware of my science dumbness. I am NOT medically inclined. Yet, here I am, sounding like a med student.
I think it's just another example of how "you just DO it." I don't know HOW this information makes sense to me, or why it sticks into my very non-scientific brain. I just know that I consider it my duty to learn as much as I can about my daughter's health issues. Just another way in which Ellie has changed me.
Anyway...
Keep Ellie in your prayers. If all goes according to "plan" (evil word!), she should be pneumonia-free by next week.
Ellie was a trooper, and made many friends in the waiting rooms. She especially loved the radiology tech, as he was positioning her for chest x-rays. The girl has good taste, because the straight-out-of-college tech WAS pretty hot.
So, now Ellie's on another round of antibiotics (which taste like crap, and have to be given THREE times a day. Goodness me...), and is in possession of her very first Ventolin puffer. She seems to be in good spirits today, and actually ate a decent breakfast (I slipped the antibiotics into her yogurt, which seemed to work okay, thankfully). Maybe THIS is the upswing I so desperately desire!
I experienced a strange moment in the ER yesterday. The doctor came in and asked, "Can you briefly tell me Ellie's history?"
Instantly, I spouted it off:
"She was born at 33 weeks gestation after I experienced an undiagnosed gastrointestinal infection. She had APGARs of 1 and 2, and was immediately intubated. She was on a ventilator for three days, then graduated to a nasal cannula for three weeks. No sepsis was found, although she did have a heart murmur, which subsequently resolved itself after three months. She was diagnosed with severe reflux at six weeks old, and prescribed prevacid and bethenacol, which she took for approximately a year. An MRI at 11 months old showed periventricular leukomalacia, and a resulting diagnosis of spastic diplegia cerebral palsy was given. She had surgery for strabismus when she was 9 months old, and that was successfully treated."
As soon as the mumble-jumble came out of my mouth, I realized how rehearsed it all sounded. I know the spiel off by heart. I spout off words that, 2 years ago, I didn't even know how to pronounce. I know what they mean, and I know how seemingly insignificant facts are interrelated. It's so odd. For those of you who know me well, you are well aware of my science dumbness. I am NOT medically inclined. Yet, here I am, sounding like a med student.
I think it's just another example of how "you just DO it." I don't know HOW this information makes sense to me, or why it sticks into my very non-scientific brain. I just know that I consider it my duty to learn as much as I can about my daughter's health issues. Just another way in which Ellie has changed me.
Anyway...
Keep Ellie in your prayers. If all goes according to "plan" (evil word!), she should be pneumonia-free by next week.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
On the Upswing
I know a lot of you have been praying for sweet Ellie to recover from her pneumonia, so you will be happy to know that she is DEFINITELY feeling better! The antibiotics have kicked in, and she's been fever-free for two days. Yay!
Thanks, as always, for your love and concern. Sick kids sure tug at the heart-strings, eh?
Thanks, as always, for your love and concern. Sick kids sure tug at the heart-strings, eh?
Just Some More Cuteness
You can thank Southern Grandma for all these pictures lately! She sent Ellie a hee-ooj package of clothes, so we've had to take modeling pics for her. And, since the girl is so darn precious, I can't help but post some on my blog!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Ellie's Lungs
Poor baby girl has pneumonia. Second time this year. Argh. I feel bad for her. I wish I could be the one with sore lungs. Not Ellie. Welcome to motherhood.
Thankfully, her ears and throat look fine, so she's on some hard-core antibiotics, and if they work the same as last time, she'll be back to her perky little high-strung self by mid-week.
I must admit that I do love the snuggling, and 14-hour nights, though. Tee hee.
It's weird what happens to your heart when your kid is sick. It's as if I've become hypersensitive, and every little noise or movement coming from that crib makes me nervous. I'm ready to bound in there, sweep up my snotty ball of love, and hug her all night long if she needs it! It's strange to think of my mom feeling the same way when I was little and sick (heck, I still run to my mommy when I'm sick!).
Pray that le bebe will recover quickly, that I'll have extra patience during her awake-times, which are filled with incessant whining and noise-wiping, and that it will be a LONG time in between colds-turned-into-lung-infections this time!
Thankfully, her ears and throat look fine, so she's on some hard-core antibiotics, and if they work the same as last time, she'll be back to her perky little high-strung self by mid-week.
I must admit that I do love the snuggling, and 14-hour nights, though. Tee hee.
It's weird what happens to your heart when your kid is sick. It's as if I've become hypersensitive, and every little noise or movement coming from that crib makes me nervous. I'm ready to bound in there, sweep up my snotty ball of love, and hug her all night long if she needs it! It's strange to think of my mom feeling the same way when I was little and sick (heck, I still run to my mommy when I'm sick!).
Pray that le bebe will recover quickly, that I'll have extra patience during her awake-times, which are filled with incessant whining and noise-wiping, and that it will be a LONG time in between colds-turned-into-lung-infections this time!
Ellie's Eyes
Several of you know that we FINALLY got in to see the ONE pediatric ophthalmologist in this province yesterday. I was fairly nervous about the appointment, because many people felt the need to relay onto me their horror stories regarding this doctor ("his bedside manner is terrible", "he's so mean!", "he's the rudest doctor I've ever met"...). And, of course, I always worry that a doctor will say, "Yes, there's a problem, but there's no way it can be fixed."
I spent a lot of time in prayer before the appointment, asking God to hug my heart, to thicken my skin, and to give the doctor special wisdom at exactly the point when Ellie was in his examining room.
My prayers, as always, were answered.
It was a rough morning, as Ellie is pretty sick with her cold (pneumonia? We'll be waiting at the Walk-In clinic in about an hour to find out...), and did NOT want to be hanging around Children's Hospital all morning (because it's MY favorite place to be!). But, the appointment itself went really well. The doctor was abrupt, yes, but he sees a million kids a day, so I understand why he wouldn't want to make small talk. Ellie's ophthalmologist in Texas was the same way (I think they may actually know each other, ha!), so this bedside manner wasn't anything new to us. He wasn't rude at all, and Ellie cooperated during the exam.
The best part was his findings. He said that Ellie was a little farsighted but not even enough to warrant glasses. YAY, I don't have to force her to wear her glasses anymore! She absolutely hates them, and it's probably because they make her vision worse, come to find out! He said that she should grow out of a lot of her depth perception problems (whoo hoo!), and although he wants to monitor her closely (every four months), right now, everything "looks great".
I'm fairly certain that Ellie DOES have some vision issues, but now I'm encouraged that they are part of her brain injury and that, as she learns how to compensate, and her brain builds new pathways, they will be resolved. I feel so much better knowing that he's keeping a close eye (pun intended) on her too.
Thank You, Jesus!
I spent a lot of time in prayer before the appointment, asking God to hug my heart, to thicken my skin, and to give the doctor special wisdom at exactly the point when Ellie was in his examining room.
My prayers, as always, were answered.
It was a rough morning, as Ellie is pretty sick with her cold (pneumonia? We'll be waiting at the Walk-In clinic in about an hour to find out...), and did NOT want to be hanging around Children's Hospital all morning (because it's MY favorite place to be!). But, the appointment itself went really well. The doctor was abrupt, yes, but he sees a million kids a day, so I understand why he wouldn't want to make small talk. Ellie's ophthalmologist in Texas was the same way (I think they may actually know each other, ha!), so this bedside manner wasn't anything new to us. He wasn't rude at all, and Ellie cooperated during the exam.
The best part was his findings. He said that Ellie was a little farsighted but not even enough to warrant glasses. YAY, I don't have to force her to wear her glasses anymore! She absolutely hates them, and it's probably because they make her vision worse, come to find out! He said that she should grow out of a lot of her depth perception problems (whoo hoo!), and although he wants to monitor her closely (every four months), right now, everything "looks great".
I'm fairly certain that Ellie DOES have some vision issues, but now I'm encouraged that they are part of her brain injury and that, as she learns how to compensate, and her brain builds new pathways, they will be resolved. I feel so much better knowing that he's keeping a close eye (pun intended) on her too.
Thank You, Jesus!
Friday, August 10, 2007
And this is why I could never be a Southern Baptist...
...OH MY WORD...
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Baptist seminary launching homemaking program
01:12 PM CDT on Friday, August 10, 2007
Associated Press
NASHVILLE, Tenn. – The Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary offers coursework in Greek and Hebrew, in archaeology, in the philosophy of religion and – starting this fall – in how to cook and sew.
Southwestern Baptist, one of the nation's largest Southern Baptist seminaries, is introducing a new academic program in homemaking as part of an effort to establish what its president calls biblical family and gender roles.
It will offer a bachelor of arts in humanities degree with a 23-hour concentration in homemaking. The program is only open to women.
Coursework will include seven hours of nutrition and meal preparation, seven hours of textile design and "clothing construction," three hours of general homemaking, three hours on "the value of a child," and three hours on the "biblical model for the home and family."
Seminary officials say the main focus of the courses is on hospitality in the home – teaching women interior design as well as how to sew and cook. Women also study children's spiritual, physical and emotional development.
Yet the program is raising eyebrows among some Southern Baptists, who say a degree concentration in how to be a Christian housewife is not useful, and a waste of seminary resources.
Seminary President Paige Patterson, a former president of the Southern Baptist Convention, which has its executive committee headquarters in Nashville, said wives of seminary students asked for the homemaking courses. The program was approved by seminary trustees in the fall.
"We are moving against the tide in order to establish family and gender roles as described in God's word for the home and the family," Patterson said at the denomination's annual meeting in June. "If we do not do something to salvage the future of the home, both our denomination and our nation will be destroyed." (Nothing better than blaming women for the fall of America. Anyone else ready to hurl??)
Terri Stovall, dean of women's programs at Southwestern, which has its main campus in Fort Worth, said the purpose of the program is to strengthen families.
"Whether a woman works outside or strictly in the home, her first priority is her family and home," she said. "We just really want to step up and provide some of these skills."
Stovall said the homemaking degree is one of 10 women's programs at the seminary and is "only targeted to women whose heart and calling is the home."
A description of the homemaking program on the seminary's Web site says it "endeavors to prepare women to model the characteristics of the godly woman as outlined in Scripture." (Guess I'm not a godly woman, cuz y'all know how I failed sewing and can't cook worth crap!)
"This is accomplished through instruction in homemaking skills, developing insights into home and family while continuing to equip women to understand and engage the culture of today."
The Rev. Benjamin Cole, pastor of Parkview Baptist Church in Arlington and a frequent Southern Baptist critic, wrote about the homemaking program on his blog.
"At first it was almost incredible to me," Cole said. "I thought this is not happening. It's quite superfluous to the mission of theological education in Southern Baptist life. It's insulting I would say to many young women training in vital ministry roles.
"It's yet another example of the ridiculous and silly degree to which some Southern Baptists, Southwestern in particular, are trying to return to what they perceive to be biblical gender roles."
Patterson took a leading role in the 1980s in a successful campaign to oust moderates from leadership posts in the Southern Baptist convention. While he was president of the convention from 1998 to 2000, Southern Baptists issued a statement that women should not be pastors and that wives should "graciously submit" to their husbands.
In 2003, when Patterson left his post as president of North Carolina's Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary to serve as Southwestern's president, he was asked whether women would teach in the seminary's theology school under his leadership.
"The New Testament is crystal clear that pastors are to be men," he said.
In March, a former Southwestern professor filed a federal lawsuit against the school and Patterson, alleging she was fired from her tenure-track position because she was a woman.
Professor Sheri Klouda was hired in 2002 and was the only woman to teach at the School of Theology. But last spring, school officials informed Klouda that her contract was terminated because she was "a mistake that the trustees needed to fix," the lawsuit states.
Patterson's wife, Dorothy Patterson, is the only woman faculty member now teaching in Southwestern's theology school.
David Key, director of Baptist studies at Emory University's Candler School of Theology, said part of the reason why the seminary may be introducing the new homemaking program is in reaction to the Klouda lawsuit.
"Women continue to make more inroads into traditional male bastions, which could be provoking Patterson to do this," Key said. Patterson is "trying to draw the line in the sand of where women need to be."
Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky., also offers programs for women, including a 13-hour certificate of ministry studies. Required courses cover child-rearing, "God's plan for marriage," and managing a budget.
Key said neither seminary will allow women to be pastors, but notes that Southern hasn't "articulated homemaking like Patterson."
"Southern at least appears to realize the realities of modern day life – that often times husbands and wives must both work outside the home to support the family," said Key.
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Before I get flogged by Southern Baptist friends and family, I will readily publicize that not ALL SB's agree with Southwestern's ideology (thankfully!). And sometimes, as in our case in Texas, attending a Southern Baptist church is the best option at the time. I *think* I would go as far as to say that going to a SB church is better than not going at all (generally speaking).
But this, my friends, is outrageous to me. I think it irks me even more because of Ellie. I am mothering a daughter, who should have every single opportunity for happiness available to her. If she follows in her mother's footsteps and realizes that she is a better person when she works "outside the home", then I want her to embrace those opportunities without any sense of guilt or restriction. If she feels led to pastoring or teaching theology, then I want her to be supported from every angle. If she desires to be a stay at home mom (a much tougher job than working for pay, I believe!), then I want her to feel as though she made this CHOICE, and that she is equal to her husband in every way. It drives me NUTS to think that these ridiculous hurdles may be placed in her way, and that she may question her worth as a child of God because of her gender.
For those of you who know me well, you're aware that I could discuss this topic for hours, so I'll stop while I'm ahead...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Baptist seminary launching homemaking program
01:12 PM CDT on Friday, August 10, 2007
Associated Press
NASHVILLE, Tenn. – The Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary offers coursework in Greek and Hebrew, in archaeology, in the philosophy of religion and – starting this fall – in how to cook and sew.
Southwestern Baptist, one of the nation's largest Southern Baptist seminaries, is introducing a new academic program in homemaking as part of an effort to establish what its president calls biblical family and gender roles.
It will offer a bachelor of arts in humanities degree with a 23-hour concentration in homemaking. The program is only open to women.
Coursework will include seven hours of nutrition and meal preparation, seven hours of textile design and "clothing construction," three hours of general homemaking, three hours on "the value of a child," and three hours on the "biblical model for the home and family."
Seminary officials say the main focus of the courses is on hospitality in the home – teaching women interior design as well as how to sew and cook. Women also study children's spiritual, physical and emotional development.
Yet the program is raising eyebrows among some Southern Baptists, who say a degree concentration in how to be a Christian housewife is not useful, and a waste of seminary resources.
Seminary President Paige Patterson, a former president of the Southern Baptist Convention, which has its executive committee headquarters in Nashville, said wives of seminary students asked for the homemaking courses. The program was approved by seminary trustees in the fall.
"We are moving against the tide in order to establish family and gender roles as described in God's word for the home and the family," Patterson said at the denomination's annual meeting in June. "If we do not do something to salvage the future of the home, both our denomination and our nation will be destroyed." (Nothing better than blaming women for the fall of America. Anyone else ready to hurl??)
Terri Stovall, dean of women's programs at Southwestern, which has its main campus in Fort Worth, said the purpose of the program is to strengthen families.
"Whether a woman works outside or strictly in the home, her first priority is her family and home," she said. "We just really want to step up and provide some of these skills."
Stovall said the homemaking degree is one of 10 women's programs at the seminary and is "only targeted to women whose heart and calling is the home."
A description of the homemaking program on the seminary's Web site says it "endeavors to prepare women to model the characteristics of the godly woman as outlined in Scripture." (Guess I'm not a godly woman, cuz y'all know how I failed sewing and can't cook worth crap!)
"This is accomplished through instruction in homemaking skills, developing insights into home and family while continuing to equip women to understand and engage the culture of today."
The Rev. Benjamin Cole, pastor of Parkview Baptist Church in Arlington and a frequent Southern Baptist critic, wrote about the homemaking program on his blog.
"At first it was almost incredible to me," Cole said. "I thought this is not happening. It's quite superfluous to the mission of theological education in Southern Baptist life. It's insulting I would say to many young women training in vital ministry roles.
"It's yet another example of the ridiculous and silly degree to which some Southern Baptists, Southwestern in particular, are trying to return to what they perceive to be biblical gender roles."
Patterson took a leading role in the 1980s in a successful campaign to oust moderates from leadership posts in the Southern Baptist convention. While he was president of the convention from 1998 to 2000, Southern Baptists issued a statement that women should not be pastors and that wives should "graciously submit" to their husbands.
In 2003, when Patterson left his post as president of North Carolina's Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary to serve as Southwestern's president, he was asked whether women would teach in the seminary's theology school under his leadership.
"The New Testament is crystal clear that pastors are to be men," he said.
In March, a former Southwestern professor filed a federal lawsuit against the school and Patterson, alleging she was fired from her tenure-track position because she was a woman.
Professor Sheri Klouda was hired in 2002 and was the only woman to teach at the School of Theology. But last spring, school officials informed Klouda that her contract was terminated because she was "a mistake that the trustees needed to fix," the lawsuit states.
Patterson's wife, Dorothy Patterson, is the only woman faculty member now teaching in Southwestern's theology school.
David Key, director of Baptist studies at Emory University's Candler School of Theology, said part of the reason why the seminary may be introducing the new homemaking program is in reaction to the Klouda lawsuit.
"Women continue to make more inroads into traditional male bastions, which could be provoking Patterson to do this," Key said. Patterson is "trying to draw the line in the sand of where women need to be."
Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky., also offers programs for women, including a 13-hour certificate of ministry studies. Required courses cover child-rearing, "God's plan for marriage," and managing a budget.
Key said neither seminary will allow women to be pastors, but notes that Southern hasn't "articulated homemaking like Patterson."
"Southern at least appears to realize the realities of modern day life – that often times husbands and wives must both work outside the home to support the family," said Key.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before I get flogged by Southern Baptist friends and family, I will readily publicize that not ALL SB's agree with Southwestern's ideology (thankfully!). And sometimes, as in our case in Texas, attending a Southern Baptist church is the best option at the time. I *think* I would go as far as to say that going to a SB church is better than not going at all (generally speaking).
But this, my friends, is outrageous to me. I think it irks me even more because of Ellie. I am mothering a daughter, who should have every single opportunity for happiness available to her. If she follows in her mother's footsteps and realizes that she is a better person when she works "outside the home", then I want her to embrace those opportunities without any sense of guilt or restriction. If she feels led to pastoring or teaching theology, then I want her to be supported from every angle. If she desires to be a stay at home mom (a much tougher job than working for pay, I believe!), then I want her to feel as though she made this CHOICE, and that she is equal to her husband in every way. It drives me NUTS to think that these ridiculous hurdles may be placed in her way, and that she may question her worth as a child of God because of her gender.
For those of you who know me well, you're aware that I could discuss this topic for hours, so I'll stop while I'm ahead...
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Thankful....again
I don't have a lot of time or energy for a lengthy, thought-provoking post, so I will appease my blog-writing guilty conscience by posting a quick Thankful List today.
1) I am thankful for the rain. We've actually had to dust off the sprinklers (an obvious necessity for Texas summers, so we have MANY) this week, because it's been so hot and dry! It's drizzled all day today and it's been glorious!
2) I am thankful for my job. I really do love it.
3) I am thankful for my sweet friend, Laura, who told me today that they are starting their paperwork to begin an Ethiopian adoption! May she pave the way....
4) I am thankful my house is peaceful. Ellie's sleeping. Richard's working. I hear the rain pelting the window. Mmm.
5) I am thankful for frequent garbage pick-ups. Think of how much it would suck to have your garbage pile up in the garage...especially in summer...and garbage bags full of dirty diapers!
6) I am thankful that God has gone before me and staked my path with never-dimming solar flares. He knows where I'm going, where this family is going, and will open and close the right doors.
7) I am thankful for supplementary insurance. I have some now that I'm working! That means Ellie's private physical therapy is covered, that extra speech therapy will be covered, and most importantly, my MASSAGE therapy will be covered!
8) I am thankful for sippy cups with a straw. Ellie doesn't have the wrist control to sip a "normal" sippy, but with a straw, you don't NEED to tip the cup!
9) I am thankful that we sold our car, without too many hassles or hiccups.
10) I am thankful that my dear friend, PM, will be embarking upon a bazillion new opportunities and experiences when she and her family move down to Minneapolis at the end of the month. (Of course, I'm SELFISHLY sad she's leaving...)
1) I am thankful for the rain. We've actually had to dust off the sprinklers (an obvious necessity for Texas summers, so we have MANY) this week, because it's been so hot and dry! It's drizzled all day today and it's been glorious!
2) I am thankful for my job. I really do love it.
3) I am thankful for my sweet friend, Laura, who told me today that they are starting their paperwork to begin an Ethiopian adoption! May she pave the way....
4) I am thankful my house is peaceful. Ellie's sleeping. Richard's working. I hear the rain pelting the window. Mmm.
5) I am thankful for frequent garbage pick-ups. Think of how much it would suck to have your garbage pile up in the garage...especially in summer...and garbage bags full of dirty diapers!
6) I am thankful that God has gone before me and staked my path with never-dimming solar flares. He knows where I'm going, where this family is going, and will open and close the right doors.
7) I am thankful for supplementary insurance. I have some now that I'm working! That means Ellie's private physical therapy is covered, that extra speech therapy will be covered, and most importantly, my MASSAGE therapy will be covered!
8) I am thankful for sippy cups with a straw. Ellie doesn't have the wrist control to sip a "normal" sippy, but with a straw, you don't NEED to tip the cup!
9) I am thankful that we sold our car, without too many hassles or hiccups.
10) I am thankful that my dear friend, PM, will be embarking upon a bazillion new opportunities and experiences when she and her family move down to Minneapolis at the end of the month. (Of course, I'm SELFISHLY sad she's leaving...)
Thursday, August 2, 2007
BTW
A news story caught my attention the other day. It was (another) journalism piece about Iraq. This time, however, the headline was absent of the words “violence”, “suicide bombing”, or “death”. Instead, the topic of the report was pleasant, imagine that!
The reporter went on to inform the audience that, on this particular day, there was rare rejoicing on the streets of Baghdad. Iraqi’s were temporarily united in their joy because the national soccer team had won an important tournament. It was a shocking victory, which only fueled the feelings of celebration.
I even found myself smiling as I was watching the piece. “What a pleasant day for this war-torn land,” I thought (not in those exact words, but you get my drift).
As a sort of afterthought, the reporter concluded the story with this sentence (paraphrased): “Many jubilant Iraqi’s fired their rifles in spirit of celebration and ten bystanders were killed by the stray bullets.”
But, GO TEAM IRAQ, GO!
I threw Richard a puzzled look and asked him if he caught that last comment.
Ten people killed by “celebratory” gunfire, and it’s an “oh, by the way…”? Imagine if that bystander was Ellie. Or Richard. Or mom. Or Cherise. Or Amy. Or Sunny. Or….
Ten families were completely destroyed that day, as cheering erupted in Iraq.
I realize that ten casualties in Baghdad is hardly newsworthy. But, shouldn’t it be? I won’t even begin to try to understand why on God’s good earth people would celebrate a soccer victory by shooting loaded rifles into the air. I will claim cultural, racial, gendered, and religious lack of understanding on that one.
What bothers me most is how often these sorts of deaths are mere afterthoughts, not just in Iraq, but everywhere. In Dallas, a gang-influenced fatal shooting incident hardly made it into the morning paper. It bothers me that we have become so accustomed, and perhaps immune, to the consequences of guns in our neighborhoods.
I’m not sure what the right answer is in response to the growing gun problem in North America (and, obviously other parts of the world, but my knowledge is admittedly limited outside our continent). Tougher gun laws are a no-brainer in my opinion. I know that gun laws will not entirely keep the guns off the streets, and that black market weapon exchange will flourish, but, if it keeps one psycho from getting his or her hands on a gun, I’m all for it. I truly believe that the percentages of gun-related deaths and injuries are so much lower in Canada than in the US because of our strict(er) gun laws. If it were up to me, NO ONE outside of law enforcement would be allowed to carry or possess a weapon legally.
Someone asked me once if I had a PERSONAL fear of weapons, or if I thought that my loved ones were in danger of being shot. Yes and no. I feel quite safe here in my little Canadian prairie nook, where no one (that I know of) owns a handgun (Uncle Frank has a hunting rifle, sure, but that’s not concealed in a night stand drawer, and when not in use, it is never loaded). However, some friends of ours in the States admit to owning a hidden (in their house) loaded weapon. Truthfully, I do not think I could let Ellie spend the night at these homes. The thought of Ellie or her little friends getting into a drawer and finding a loaded gun, takes my breath away. I’m thankful that I’ve yet to be put into the position of turning down a sleepover request, but it’s still in the back of my mind. So, YES, guns, and their terrible effects DO affect me personally.
I realize this has become somewhat of a rant (It’s my blog and I can rant if I want to…), but I’m fairly passionate about this topic. I don’t want to be an afterthought on a news report. I don’t want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don’t want to be that bystander, or even worse, know that bystander was a loved one.
It IS personal.
The reporter went on to inform the audience that, on this particular day, there was rare rejoicing on the streets of Baghdad. Iraqi’s were temporarily united in their joy because the national soccer team had won an important tournament. It was a shocking victory, which only fueled the feelings of celebration.
I even found myself smiling as I was watching the piece. “What a pleasant day for this war-torn land,” I thought (not in those exact words, but you get my drift).
As a sort of afterthought, the reporter concluded the story with this sentence (paraphrased): “Many jubilant Iraqi’s fired their rifles in spirit of celebration and ten bystanders were killed by the stray bullets.”
But, GO TEAM IRAQ, GO!
I threw Richard a puzzled look and asked him if he caught that last comment.
Ten people killed by “celebratory” gunfire, and it’s an “oh, by the way…”? Imagine if that bystander was Ellie. Or Richard. Or mom. Or Cherise. Or Amy. Or Sunny. Or….
Ten families were completely destroyed that day, as cheering erupted in Iraq.
I realize that ten casualties in Baghdad is hardly newsworthy. But, shouldn’t it be? I won’t even begin to try to understand why on God’s good earth people would celebrate a soccer victory by shooting loaded rifles into the air. I will claim cultural, racial, gendered, and religious lack of understanding on that one.
What bothers me most is how often these sorts of deaths are mere afterthoughts, not just in Iraq, but everywhere. In Dallas, a gang-influenced fatal shooting incident hardly made it into the morning paper. It bothers me that we have become so accustomed, and perhaps immune, to the consequences of guns in our neighborhoods.
I’m not sure what the right answer is in response to the growing gun problem in North America (and, obviously other parts of the world, but my knowledge is admittedly limited outside our continent). Tougher gun laws are a no-brainer in my opinion. I know that gun laws will not entirely keep the guns off the streets, and that black market weapon exchange will flourish, but, if it keeps one psycho from getting his or her hands on a gun, I’m all for it. I truly believe that the percentages of gun-related deaths and injuries are so much lower in Canada than in the US because of our strict(er) gun laws. If it were up to me, NO ONE outside of law enforcement would be allowed to carry or possess a weapon legally.
Someone asked me once if I had a PERSONAL fear of weapons, or if I thought that my loved ones were in danger of being shot. Yes and no. I feel quite safe here in my little Canadian prairie nook, where no one (that I know of) owns a handgun (Uncle Frank has a hunting rifle, sure, but that’s not concealed in a night stand drawer, and when not in use, it is never loaded). However, some friends of ours in the States admit to owning a hidden (in their house) loaded weapon. Truthfully, I do not think I could let Ellie spend the night at these homes. The thought of Ellie or her little friends getting into a drawer and finding a loaded gun, takes my breath away. I’m thankful that I’ve yet to be put into the position of turning down a sleepover request, but it’s still in the back of my mind. So, YES, guns, and their terrible effects DO affect me personally.
I realize this has become somewhat of a rant (It’s my blog and I can rant if I want to…), but I’m fairly passionate about this topic. I don’t want to be an afterthought on a news report. I don’t want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don’t want to be that bystander, or even worse, know that bystander was a loved one.
It IS personal.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Treading Water
I've always maintained that I swim in the sea of pseudo naivety when it comes to Ellie. Because she is an only child, and I spend very little time with other children her age, I often forget that she is developmentally delayed. It's not a case of denial, because I am well aware of the fact that Ellie is disabled and is unable to do many typical-toddler things. It's just that, to me, Ellie IS typical. I have no one to compare her to.
Last week, I was forced to swim ashore the island of reality. I taught music to 125 crrrazy kids for VBS at our church. For the most part, I had a lot of fun, and the chillin' made me laugh.
But, every once and a while, it hit me.
The three year olds are only half a year ahead of Ellie. They were all walking and talking in complete sentences, and singing, and following the actions to each song. All things that are WAY too advanced for Ellie.
The older kids were having a rockin' time, playing games outside and in the gym, and dancing to the music. Their favorite thing to do during our music session was come up on stage and sing with the leaders.
I smiled when I thought of how much fun my kids would have at VBS one day. But, the smile quickly turned into a quivering lip, as I realized how difficult events like VBS are going to be for Ellie.
How will she play duck-duck-goose in her wheelchair? Who will want to pick her for their soccer team if she walks slowly and uneasily with her canes? Will there be room on the stage for Ellie to maneuver up the wheelchair ramp, and get to the centre, where the other kids are? Will she be able to do the actions to songs?
I hate being hit with reality. HATE IT. I like my lala land. I like living in the moment and forgetting that Ellie is different. I like fooling myself into believing that Ellie will be 30lbs the rest of her life, and that no one will think twice if she wears diapers.
I just wish I KNEW, and then I wish I could CONTROL. I want to know for certain what Ellie will be like when she's five. And then I want to be with her at school, at VBS, so that I can control what every child does and says around her.
It hurts my heart to think of what Ellie will be missing. In a world that embraces similarity, I don't want Ellie to be "different". At least not in this way.
I also realize that I look at her life through Chrystie-lenses. I can't imagine a childhood without walking, jumping, or singing (well, okay, I'm not sure how much I actually JUMPED around…). But, that's because those things were MY normal. They will never be Ellie's normal. Can you miss something you've never had?
Additionally, I know that I am underestimating both Ellie and her peers. Not ALL kids are cruel. Not ALL kids tease. Not ALL kids will even care that Ellie's a bit different. I need to remind myself of that.
For now, though, I think I'll throw on my water wings and float back out to sea for a bit. Maybe not to the deep end, but I'll at least submerge my toes. I can only handle small bits of land dwelling at a time.
Last week, I was forced to swim ashore the island of reality. I taught music to 125 crrrazy kids for VBS at our church. For the most part, I had a lot of fun, and the chillin' made me laugh.
But, every once and a while, it hit me.
The three year olds are only half a year ahead of Ellie. They were all walking and talking in complete sentences, and singing, and following the actions to each song. All things that are WAY too advanced for Ellie.
The older kids were having a rockin' time, playing games outside and in the gym, and dancing to the music. Their favorite thing to do during our music session was come up on stage and sing with the leaders.
I smiled when I thought of how much fun my kids would have at VBS one day. But, the smile quickly turned into a quivering lip, as I realized how difficult events like VBS are going to be for Ellie.
How will she play duck-duck-goose in her wheelchair? Who will want to pick her for their soccer team if she walks slowly and uneasily with her canes? Will there be room on the stage for Ellie to maneuver up the wheelchair ramp, and get to the centre, where the other kids are? Will she be able to do the actions to songs?
I hate being hit with reality. HATE IT. I like my lala land. I like living in the moment and forgetting that Ellie is different. I like fooling myself into believing that Ellie will be 30lbs the rest of her life, and that no one will think twice if she wears diapers.
I just wish I KNEW, and then I wish I could CONTROL. I want to know for certain what Ellie will be like when she's five. And then I want to be with her at school, at VBS, so that I can control what every child does and says around her.
It hurts my heart to think of what Ellie will be missing. In a world that embraces similarity, I don't want Ellie to be "different". At least not in this way.
I also realize that I look at her life through Chrystie-lenses. I can't imagine a childhood without walking, jumping, or singing (well, okay, I'm not sure how much I actually JUMPED around…). But, that's because those things were MY normal. They will never be Ellie's normal. Can you miss something you've never had?
Additionally, I know that I am underestimating both Ellie and her peers. Not ALL kids are cruel. Not ALL kids tease. Not ALL kids will even care that Ellie's a bit different. I need to remind myself of that.
For now, though, I think I'll throw on my water wings and float back out to sea for a bit. Maybe not to the deep end, but I'll at least submerge my toes. I can only handle small bits of land dwelling at a time.
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